The Bench

Cheese Rolling: Proof That Anything Can be Made Into a Sport

Aug 15 3:17pm

There is an event held annually at Cooper’s Hill in Gloucester, England. It is called cheese rolling. Think that sounds like a game where a giant piece of cheese is rolled down a hill? It can’t be that literal, right? Oh, it is. Cheese rolling involves the rolling of a nine pound wheel of Double Gloucester cheese down a hill, while people race (fall violently) to catch it. The first person to follow the cheese over the finish line is declared the winner.

And what exactly do you win in this race? Money? A free vacation? Nope. You win the cheese you chased. Double Gloucester must be the Mercedes Benz of cheeses if people are willing to risk life and limb for it.

This is something else. Most violent cheese-related sport ever.

Apparently the cheese can reach speeds of 70 miles per hour. Imagine being at the bottom, not paying attention, and getting laid out by a cheese wheel? Awful. This reminds me of dog tracks in America. The cheese is the mechanical bunny, and the people are the racing dogs. Except the dogs run normally, and these people look like they’re constantly being suplexed by ghosts.

Also, I hope there haven’t been any cheese rolling fatalities, but it definitely seems possible. It would be a shame to go out chasing something that you could easily get at a supermarket.

Although this is dangerous, and seems like it was made up at 4am in a bar somewhere, I do commend the people of Gloucester for finding a way of making this nonsensical cheese dash into a time honored tradition that people travel from around the world to partake in. Cheese rolling forever!

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