Yesterday, 50 Cent stopped by Citi Field to promote his upcoming post-game concert, plug his album, and throw out the ceremonial first pitch prior to the Mets-Pirates game. He looked the part, he wore a number that would normally be reserved for a roster player (50, obviously), and then this happened.
Woof. Throws like that are the reason that there are cages around dunk tanks. If anyone ever has another rap beef with 50, I think their best bet would be to settle it over a friendly game of dodgeball. But anyway, we did some digging, and found eight people (real and fictional), a pre-historic animal, and a robot that managed to toss it over the plate better than 50 Cent.
1. Carly Rae Jepsen
Listen, this was by no means pretty, but it wound up staying on the infield. Also, when you’re busy writing the greatest love song of all time, “Call Me Maybe”, you don’t have a ton of time to work on your pitching mechanics.
2. Mariah Carey
Hey, it got there eventually, and she was in heels.
3. A T-Rex
Yep, a T-Rex throw a better first pitch than 50 with his face.
4. Charlie Brown
To be fair to this perpetually stressed out cartoon character, Pirate Parrot showed ZERO effort during this pitch. If you’re going to be lazy about it, then pack it in and go home. Charlie Brown was set up to fail here. Also, I don’t know if he has five fingers, which couldn’t have made things any easier.
5. A 101-year-old woman
This woman knows how it’s done. She’s focused on the task at hand, she takes her time, and with those giant pink earrings, she looks great doing it.
6. A 5-year-old
Some kids learn to read at five-years old, and others throw way better pitches than 50 cent.
7. President Obama
There’s no excuse to throw a worse pitch than the President. He’s THE PRESIDENT. He’s busy running the world, not working on his cutter with Joe Biden.
8. A robot named Bruce.
From what I gather here, this is a robot named Bruce. He was designed by high school kids. As you can imagine, since he was designed by high school kids, there is plenty that could potentially go wrong. Nope, still out-pitched 50 Cent.
9. Bill Nye “The Science Guy”
Ok, he probably used science to figure out how to throw a solid pitch, but he did put some zip on it. Impressive.
10. Darth Vader
He’s pitching with a cape and a mask on, to a baseball sporting a gigantic mustache, all while some sort of lightsaber-wielding muskrat umpires. That’s pretty much every obstacle one can face, and he still beat the odds to throw a better pitch than 50 Cent.