With the NFL draft drifting faster than a Mark Sanchez pick-6, all you NFL fans are undoubtedly quivering in anticipation of the upcoming fantasy football season.
Go ahead and study your splits, memorize your depth charts, and dream about your rookies. It’ll be a waste! Everyone knows that in a clever team name is the key to fantasy success. And if you’re truly enjoying fantasy football success, make sure to check out our one-day fantasy football leagues for real cash, where you can pick a new team every day using our unique salary cap format. No draft order, no season-long commitment, no tears.
But first, let’s review the classiest, craftiest, and most disingenuously entertaining names flooding the web. These are the names that will intimidate and annihilate.
Let us begin…
50) White Cassel - It’s been proven that too much can clog your arteries.
49) Fleener-Schnitzel - Always difficult to digest or defeat.
48) Somewhere over Dwayne Bowe - Somewhere over 1,000 yards with a competent quarterback calling the shots.
47) Favre Dollar Footlong - Plus tax.
46) Forte Year-Old Virgin - In football, 27 with a questionable ankle is old.
45) Coples Therapy - Rex Ryan’s questionable methods are nicknamed for the first time.
44) Prater Haters - Don’t hate the punter, hate the game.
43) Bjoern to be Wild - The Colts sure hope so.
42) 12 Items or Bess - The Browns interestingly chose Bess, despite lacking depth.
41) Back that Asomugha Up - The fragile cornerback did far too much of “backing up” last year.
40) Sproles Royce - Each one flashy in its own right?
39) Along Came Collie - And then he was gone.
38) The Playbook of Eli - Shockingly dominant.
37) Jersey Leshoure - Questionable, though creative.
36) Texas Chainsaw Massaquoi - Jacksonville might be that horrifying this year.
35) RG-3PO - This speedy play on words takes us back to a galaxy far, far away.
It’s no coincidence we won the Mashable 2012 Innovation Index for our undeniable impact on the sports world. Yep, a bigger impact than Nike, Bloomberg, and many other powerhouses. Join FanDuel for free and see why!
34) I Dream of Beanie - Said no one ever.
33) Too Legit to Britt - Not quite.
32) What You Talkin’ Bout Hillis - A classic.
31) Medulla Amendola - You can’t really go wrong with a Waterboy shootout.
30) The Blair White Project - A forgotten tandem.
29) I Hate Torain on your Parade - Said David Wilson to Ryan Torain.
28) Burressted Development - Yes.
27) Orton Hears a Who - Who tells him to throw interceptions.
26) Rice Rice Baby - The first of its kind.
25) Foster: Australian for Touchdown - Marketing genius.
24) Corn on the Kolb - Always tough on the teeth.
23) Revis and Butthead - His Jets career in a nutshell.
22) James Starks of Winterfell - A 4.5 40-yard dash couldn’t have kept the Packers tailback away from those White Walkers.
21) The Garden of Weeden - (insert age joke here)
20) Pierre-Paul & Mary - Influential and omnipresent.
Peter Jennings turned $10 into $150,000 in 2012 by winning our biggest one-day fantasy football contest on FanDuel, at our Las Vegas Final! Live his dream by drafting a team in a free league or one for money. You won’t be sorry.
19) Barden the Interruption - Loud noises!
18) I Can’t Believe it’s Not Cutler - Chicago fans still prefer margarine.
17) More Cushing for the Pushing - Intimidation is the key to fantasy victory.
16) Kalil Me Maybe - After guaranteeing a Super Bowl and then promptly incurring a season-ending foot injury, Ryan Kalil takes it down a notch.
15) The Big Tebowski - ”Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional bench-warming flashback.”
14) Sour Carimi and Onion - A powerful effect.
13) Talib it to Beaver - That’s fun to say.
12) Dez Dispenser - A potential collector’s item.
11) Stop Flynn the Name of Love - Um, he’ll stop himself.
10) Shonneshank Redemption - Get busy winning, or get busy dying.
9) Hakuna Ma-Ngata - No worries in Baltimore right now.
8) Who Lechler Dogs Out? Punters are fearless.
7) What’s Eating Gabbert Grape - routinely 300-pound lineman.
6) Is That Your Final Ansah? Apparently.
5) I’m Sorry Fred Jackson - He was “for real.”
4) Red Hot Julius Peppers - A unique blent of flash and grit.
3) Henne Given Sunday - The Jaguars could use Steamin’ Beamen right about now.
2) Forgetting Brandon Marshall - Perfection.
1) Belicheck Yourself Before You Rex Yourself - Both ends of the spectrum explored.
Have any names we missed? Have any suggestions we desperately want? Feel free to sprinkle your own flavor below. And don’t forget to check out our draft lobby for some MLB action while you wait for the start of the 2013 NFL season.