100 Funny Fantasy Football Team Names for 2014

May 22 1:50pm
Zack Pumerantz

Fantasy football season is around the corner, so you know what that means. It’s time to start thinking about what your fantasy team’s name is going to be. A name is important. It can establish dominance, or at least help you save face if your team is a full-blown atrocity. So start choosing now, you never want to be that guy whose team is named (insert your name here)’s Team because you refused to pick a name. Those people are the worst, and their teams usually follow suit.

So without further ado, here’s our list of names for this season, full of pure unadulterated wackiness. Enjoy.

1) Stafford Infection- The kind of infection that doesn’t require a trip to the hospital.

2) You are Ngata father- No one is going to hate on a team that makes a Maury reference.

3) Ha Haaahh!!! Real Monsters- A 90s classic, mixed with the best name in this year’s draft.

4) Turn McCown for What?!- Lil Jon feat. Josh McCown.

5) Suh Kids on the Block- He would have been an ideal member of any boy band.

6) Welker Texas Ranger- I guess that makes Wes Welker Chuck Norris.

7) Garcon Daly- From video countdowns to touchdowns.

8) The Reggie Bushwhackers- Reggie Bush in the company of legends.

9) Kalil Team 6- A Panthers hero.

10) Talib the gun, take the Haloti- Probably the first time anyone has had Haloti as part of their team name.

11) Killer Clowneys From Outer Space- Or from Texas now, but whatever.

12) They see me rollin’ they Haden- I miss Chamillionaire.

13) Better than Dezra- Cowboy fans and 90s rock enthusiasts are elated.

14) Carr Rescue- He may tell Schaub to “SHUT IT DOWN” this season.

15) What kind of computer? Odell- Hopefully this is a quality (O)Dell. The one I had in college broke all the time.

16) Khiry a Rivers- A little Timberlake.

17) Shady McCoy Detmer- I don’t even know how to feel.

18) Lacy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade- …to the end zone. Eh? Eh?

19) The Forte Forte Club- What Jay-Z is going to have to rename the club after this season.

20) Le’Veon on a Prayer- We know what he’s singing on team karaoke night.

21) Suh-icide prevention Hartline- I don’t think anyone is preventing Suh from doing anything. Hartline on the other hand? Maybe.

22) Kenny Stills and Nash- Crosby was a hack.

23) Maid in McFadden- Darren McFadden should aspire to be the J-Lo of football. I don’t know what that would entail, but he should do it.

24) Tickle me Manzielmo- The adorably arrogant toy you’ll be buying this Christmas.

25) Manziel L Cool J- Fits like a glove.

26) Cordarrelle Pants- They’re making a comeback.

27) T.Y. Beanie Babies- Unlike most beanie babies, this T.Y. won’t be collecting dust in an attic. He’s a big part of the Colts’ season.

28) The Joique-y Boys- The Joique’s on you, NFL.

29) Ghostface Pitta- He could be part of the Suh-Tang Clan. The possibilities for Suh are endless.

30) Ertz Wind and Fire- If he’s as good as this band, he’s in good shape.

31) Knowshons Eleven- The movie about Moreno’s 2014 season probably won’t be as good as Oceans Eleven.

32) Male Pattern Boldin- Balding can stink. Having Boldin on your fantasy team? Not so bad.

33) The Sankey Leg- You’re the life of the party with this dance.

34) Blessed Union of Sproles- Like this band’s run, Sproles is short and powerful.

35) 21 Jump Streater- No brainer.

36) Henne I Shrunk the Kids- You should shrink Bortles if you want to keep that starting job.

37) Tebown Thugs n’ Harmony- There are no bounds to what I’d pay to see Tim Tebow rap.

38) The Bridgewaters of Madison County- A classic.

39) Schaubshank Redemption- Redemption? Meh. He’ll probably be pretty average.

40) The Brandon Marshall Tucker Band- It just worked too well.

41) Chutes and Latimers- Tremendous board game.

42) Oscar Meyer Fleener- Tough task to grow up with a name that ends with -eener.

43) DeAndre Hopkins University- Way more swag than “Johns”

44) Cecil’s Jorts- Jean shorts are back in a big way.

45) Kaepernickelback- A lot of people don’t like Nickelback. If you’re one of them, and you also don’t like Colin Kaepernick…you’re welcome.

46) Marquise Mark and the Gronky Bunch- Good Vibrations all around.

47) Hootie and the Bowefish- We hear Dwayne is a big fan.

48) Burleson Coat Factory-  A post-NFL business venture?

49) Helu vs. Netdix- Who ya got?

50) Instagraham- A good way to make Jimmy Graham’s touchdowns look artsy.

Got any other ones? How about one that you think will make you a legend this season? Post your team name artistry below! Want even more? You’re in luck! We’ve reposted our list from 2013 below to give you a ton of choices!

51) White Cassel - It’s been proven that too much can clog your arteries.

52) Fleener-Schnitzel - Always difficult to digest or defeat.

53) Somewhere over Dwayne Bowe - Somewhere over 1,000 yards with a competent quarterback calling the shots.

54) Favre Dollar Footlong - Plus tax.

55) Forte Year-Old Virgin - In football, 27 with a questionable ankle is old.

56) Coples Therapy - Rex Ryan’s questionable methods are nicknamed for the first time.

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57) Prater Haters - Don’t hate the punter, hate the game.

58) Bjoern to be Wild - The Colts sure hope so.

59) 12 Items or Bess - The Browns interestingly chose Bess, despite lacking depth.

60) Back that Asomugha Up - The fragile cornerback did far too much of “backing up” last year.

61) Sproles Royce - Each one flashy in its own right?

62) Along Came Collie - And then he was gone.

63) The Playbook of Eli - Shockingly dominant.

64) Jersey Leshoure - Questionable, though creative.

65) Texas Chainsaw Massaquoi - Jacksonville might be that horrifying this year.

66) RG-3PO - This speedy play on words takes us back to a galaxy far, far away.

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67) I Dream of Beanie - Said no one ever.

68) Too Legit to Britt - Not quite.

69) What You Talkin’ Bout Hillis - A classic.

70) Medulla Amendola - You can’t really go wrong with a Waterboy shootout.

71) The Blair White Project - A forgotten tandem.

72) I Hate Torain on your Parade - Said David Wilson to Ryan Torain.

73) Burressted Development - Yes.

74) Orton Hears a Who - Who tells him to throw interceptions.

75) Rice Rice Baby - The first of its kind.

76) Foster: Australian for Touchdown - Marketing genius.

77) Corn on the Kolb - Always tough on the teeth.

78) Revis and Butthead - His Jets career in a nutshell.

79) James Starks of Winterfell - A 4.5 40-yard dash couldn’t have kept the Packers tailback away from those White Walkers.

80) The Garden of Weeden - (insert age joke here)

81) Pierre-Paul & Mary - Influential and omnipresent.

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82) Barden the Interruption - Loud noises!

83) I Can’t Believe it’s Not Cutler - Chicago fans still prefer margarine.

84) More Cushing for the Pushing - Intimidation is the key to fantasy victory.

85) Kalil Me Maybe - After guaranteeing a Super Bowl and then promptly incurring a season-ending foot injury, Ryan Kalil takes it down a notch.

86) The Big Tebowski - ”Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional bench-warming flashback.”

87) Sour Carimi and Onion - A powerful effect.

88) Talib it to Beaver - That’s fun to say.

89) Dez Dispenser - A potential collector’s item.

90) Stop Flynn the Name of Love - Um, he’ll stop himself.

91) Shonneshank Redemption - Get busy winning, or get busy dying.

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92) Hakuna Ma-Ngata - No worries in Baltimore right now.

93) Who Lechler Dogs Out? Punters are fearless.

94) What’s Eating Gabbert Grape - routinely 300-pound lineman.

95) Is That Your Final Ansah? Apparently.

96) I’m Sorry Fred Jackson - He was “for real.”

97) Red Hot Julius Peppers - A unique blent of flash and grit.

98) Henne Given Sunday - The Jaguars could use Steamin’ Beamen right about now.

99) Forgetting Brandon Marshall - Perfection.

100) Belicheck Yourself Before You Rex Yourself - Both ends of the spectrum explored.

Also, don’t forget to check out our draft lobby for some MLB action while you wait for the start of the 2013 NFL season.


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