The Bench

Wed Player Matchups: Mmm Bop Hanson To The Top!

Jun 01 3:39am

I guess the Miami Heat won yesterday. I didn’t watch. I’ve decided (decisioned?) that all Heat championships will be tainted with douchiness and therefore null and void. So let’s watch some baseball, which is always taint-free!

Tommy Hanson: The Padres are the worst hitting team in the league and Hanson started off like a bat out of hell (a bat that could pitch really well). He’s cooled down lately, but the Padres are just the cure for his cold. I’m starting him in the MLB Bunt and wherever else I can!

Roy Oswalt: The Nationals are consistently craptastic, but somehow shelled my man Cliff Lee yesterday! Can they do it to Mr. Oswalt today? I say no!

David Ortiz: I forgot this dude still played professional baseball, but he apparently is and is batting .310 with 12 home runs and has 3 homers in the last 7 games. He is 5 for 17 off Gavin Floyd with 2 homers.

Miguel Cabrera: Miggy seems to be quiet this season, but he is batting over .300 with 10 homers and 37 RBIs. He’s only had 3 homers in May, but has had 2 in his last 7 games. He could be heating up and he hits Scott Baker well, going 10 for 30 off him with 2 homers and 8 RBIs.

Laynce Nix: Nix isn’t going to be consistent, but he has been hitting well of late and he actually hits Roy Oswalt well, going 9 for 17 off him with 2 homers.

Carlos Lee: He happens to still have a little umph left in his giddy-up and hits Doug Davis well (who doesn’t). He’s a whopping 7 for 13 off him.

Brian McCann: The McCann man can! He is 3 for 5 off Clayton Richard with 2 doubles and 3 ribbies, and is batting .524 in his last 7 games!

Angel Pagan: The sinner and saint has been on fire since coming off the DL with 7 hits in 14 at bats. He is also 2 for 4 off Kevin Correia with 3 walks.

Chris Snyder: Check to see if he’s in the lineup, but he is 7 for his last 14 with 2 homers and destroys Chris Capuano, going 4 for 5 off him with a home run and 3 walks.  So he has reached base 7 out of 8 times against him.

Carlos Gonzalez: Cargo has faced Jon Garland 18 times and got a hit 11 of those times, with 7 doubles! 7!

Besides, Chet has written for the N.Y. Times: Fifth Down Blog,, and his own sites Razzball and Third Coast Sports. He is extremely/obsessively active on Twitter and will answer your questions as best he can if you throw them @ChetRazzball.

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